In my Journal

As I lay in bed, I notice wilted edges of the pages in my journal. It's sitting there on my night stand, and it speaks to me...

Memories of the past and hopes for the future.

Old laughs, old loves and old heart aches.

New beginnings, new life and new feelings.

I notice the book mark has made its way all the way down to the book's final chapter. 

And I wonder...

What will that last quarter of my journal be about? What will I endure and overcome these next months that I will feel so passionately, so overwhelmed, & so responsible to myself to write about on those blank pages. What will I write... How will I feel? 

Will it be a happy ending, a sad ending or will it be unfinished business that falls onto the lines of my next story book...

I started keeping a journal the summer of 2008. The summer before I started High School. I couldn't tell you what drove me to start a journal, or why I decided to keep track of my life in such a personal way. But I am so happy I did.

In the past 9 years I've flooded 3 good sized journals with all of my thoughts, feelings, memories, experiences, triumphs and biggest failures. All of which I am grateful to look back on.

There are pieces of these books that are dark, sad and cold, But there are many more pages that are bright, happy and warm...

In my journals you'd read about all the boys I've kissed and all the bonfires I attended through my sophomore year. You'd read about all my high school rodeos that I was absolutely dreadful competing in. You'd read about all the hero's I've collected thus far in my life, my best friends, closest family, furry animals, big dreams, bigger wishes, and desperate prayers. You'd read about the first boy I thought I was in love with and then you'd later read about the boy I was REALLY in love with.

In my Journals you'd also read things I wish I wouldn't have done, but couldn't imagine the girl I would be today if I hadn't. Experiences I didn't understand at the time or even unanswered prayers in which case steered me to question my faith. Times I was lost and couldn't find a way out, but somehow a pen to a piece of paper helped me trudge through any terrain put in front of me and not only making me stronger but helping me appreciate the view when I got wherever it was I was destined to go.

My journal was a place of solitude, my sanctuary. The one place I felt I could tell my story, whatever it might be that day and never be judged, mislead or misunderstood. It was my rock for many years and is still to this day.

In my Journals I jot down my goals and my biggest aspirations. I write down a list of the person I want to be in the upcoming years and the things I want to accomplish. I designate an entry to a certain person sometimes, just to show how much I love and appreciate them, even though I know they will never read it... It's something I get to look back on and remember what their presence in my life meant to me. Sometimes I scribble awful looking flowers, because even though I cannot draw, it makes my heart feel good. Sometimes I write down a poem or a piece of scripture because I just knew I would need it handy when times got tough. I've created my own personal Bible to read when I'm looking for answers or direction when I've stumbled along life's highway.

I wanted to write this piece to encourage each and everyone of you that reads it, to WRITE. It doesn't matter what you write about, just write. Write to yourself, write to your parents, write to your animals, write to God. Put your vulnerabilities down on a piece of paper and let your heart wander, just spill your guts out and LET YOURSELF FEEL everything and anything. I can almost guarantee it will help you get through whatever life throws your way.

Because in the end, its just you and a simple little book.. A book that will never talk back to you, judge you, mislead you, misunderstand you, mistreat you or give you false hopes. But a book that will always be there for you, waiting to hear your story right there on the edge of your nightstand. A book filled with hundreds of memories to relive for the rest of your life.

 It's a book meant to lighten your load, fill up your heart and help you remember what you ache for.

It is only a Little Book that Listens.

I say, Let it...